A Soul Food newsletter series for the generational curse breakers: the complicated life because of the different roles placed on the oldest daughter/only daughter/black sheep.
Community feels like a deep breath next to a wisdom tree. Community feels like the purist love. Community feels like feet in the dirt. Community feels like the earth. Community feels like hearts beating as one. Community feels like a deep dive in the ocean.
A week ago, I had a different interpretation of community. I had bruises from passed communities that had limited my perspective of community.
The black writers circle, black stack, Jacquie has been a huge part of helping me unlearn. So thank yall for taking time to read and engage and feel. It means a tremendous amount to me.
This is hitting home for me on so many levels. As the eldest daughter, we are utilized as a second parent, yet silenced at the same time. Yet also fearful of asking from others. We expect so little from others, when so much is expected of us.
Community to me is overflow. When we can’t pour from our own cups, community is the outpouring of love, ideas, empathy, and gifts from others.
I am so happy to have found this. I feel like the voice of the eldest Black daughter gets quieted. I have been quieted as I have grown resentful and working through that grief of the pressure others put on me, also to just see everything I do. Hence being anonymous now until I can feel strong enough on my own to show myself as a new me attached to my work. I can’t wait for the workshop today! I appreciate all the work that has been done to get to this point to where newcomers like myself can easily feel welcomed.
In black-american culture first born females bare the burden to be silent and shrink our needs. When we are able to alchemize voicelessness to authentic expression we reclaim ourselves from who our circumstances groomed us to be.
I’m so excited that you’re coming to the Black Writers circle 🙌🏾
You are so right! The eldest Black daughter has been silenced since the first time speaking up. I believe the lifetime work for the eldest Black daughter is to find her voice and be confident using it. To find comfort in it. I pray you feel that comfort and confidence in yours.
Welcome in and I’m so grateful to hear that my efforts to make this community feel like home have translated for newcomers to adjust with ease. The platform is still news itself as November is month five in existence.
So excited to connect with you today please be sure to let me know you are on! Thanks so much for reading and engaging with the conversation!
I feel this. My sister is the eldest daughter and I watched how much was put on her while my mother battled with her at the same time. Like - how you gonna have her outcheah doing YOUR JOB and then not put some respect on your daughter's name when she tries to respectfully bring up an issue?
I considered my two eldest sisters to be my mothers moreso than my biological mom cuz they actually did the fucking job.
Community to me feels like a safe space where i don’t have to pretend to have it all together. A place where I can fall apart and still be reminded that I’m loved, and enough, and worthy.
Community to me feels like a respite from your own sometimes frazzled energy. It can be so nurturing to be in a space and feel like you’re on the comfiest blankets. Add creativity, great food, laughter and there’s a sense that everything is alright with your world.
This. Community feels like this. I just found yall, but I already feel the safe space and this article really hit the mark.
The eldest black daughter always making room for others to shine. Being considerate of others to keep peace that I don’t even remember how to stand in the light. Growing resentful from internal pain that doesn’t feel safe with others.
And speaking of generational curse breakers “we are the example our bloodline will follow but it is not our job to make sure they drink the water or if they drink enough for the journey ahead. We can only lead them to the water and in the water they have a choice to look at their reflection to see their truth.” Whew! I needed that reminder😮💨. It’s so natural to get caught up in others, it’s easy to forget that you can only do so much.
I think letting go of the role is one of the hardest things that we have to do. As first born females, we fill a particular role that is portrayed as being both vital and unappreciated. For me, it is the fear of what would happen if I left then I realized that in my absence they would be able to see themselves more clearly and as would I.
I’m living for the metaphors combined with the straightforwardness. These Newsletters have been redefining Black Culture and exploring new ways to see our experience. To me Community feels expansive like the belly laughs you get from people who find a way into your heart.
Jacquie is a metaphor whiz, truly. Our goal is to take what we’ve been given and retrieve the lessons from our experiences. It’s an honor that you feel it’s part of redefining our culture.
Community to me feels like reciprocity. All hands on deck. Sharing in the abundance and the deficits till the death of it. I was he youngest in my tribe growing up but Ancient in the scheme of life. I held everyone’s emotional well being on my empathic shoulders as I cooked them entertaining distractions and acts of service.
As we grew older I tried to feed them spirituality, knowledge and healing but my younger position had them mock me till they later thanked me.
Community taught me how to serve with a grateful heart and that acts of kindness and food preparation fed not just the belly but the soul in a way that money would never make them whole. To this day when I go by a friend or family’s house I will clean and cook for them a dish made out of love because I was trained properly to serve good vibes and sautée sincerity.
Tab!! With the reciprocity! Always dropping knowledge. Asé. Thank you for sharing your experience of being the youngest and what your community taught you.
“I was trained properly to serve good vibes and sautée sincerity.” Is a word!!
Lissssennnn while I didn't love the religious aspect of church, that family of peoples knew how to COMMUNITY for real. Had me cooking up men's/ladie's breakfast events, potlucks, BBQs, care packages, etc etc....We didn't consider it doing each other favours -- it was reciprocating FAVOR yuh zee it?
Y'all hit me up if you want me to add some jerk or curry to these Sunday dishes 🤣
This is the one right here! All hands on deck and you know that’s why we added generational curse breakers because I’m the only child so like you when I tried to feed them with spiritual knowledge they mocked me and now they are thanking me.
However my acts of service are much more sacred now. I show up only for the ones that demonstrate reciprocity. I loved this comment so much! I hate to miss you today but I’ll be personally emailing you this week for somethings.
Yessss I had to unlearn my people pleasing/hero complex and reserve my gifts for those who demonstrate respect and reciprocity. The way I used to be so drained from those who always came with a plate and never a ladle was madness. But it's a journey.
Meanwhile.....I had to make that money today but I had major FOMO cuz I wanted to paint and commiserate with y'all again. I hope the time was blessed.
I've never tried any of these dishes except for the cake. I'm not African-American, I'm west African with cousins in America. Sometimes I imagine all of us getting to sit down for dinner again. The atmosphere in the post reminded me a lot of when we would make Christmas dinner when they came back for the holidays. It's been a while.
This right here is everything for me! I most definitely found my community and a sense of belonging. I’ve been looking for a tribe over the past few years for the eldest daughters who became responsible for everything too quickly and even in some cases were abused and misused. I share the same sentiments here and look forward to writing out all my grief to heal the past.
Thank you for this platform. It truly is an answered prayer.
I love that our work provides you with a sense of belonging. I struggled for a long time feeling like I didn’t belong so to read I feel overwhelming joy 🖤There is nothing short of love put into this and I’m glad that you find solace in it. Thank you for journeying with us 🖤
THIS is the kind of engagement we were hoping for, the ones that understand this feeling of taking care of others yet still having to be the one to put yourself back together.
I am so grateful you are in community with us and I can’t wait to share space with you today! Thank you so much for reading and engaging!
Community feels to me like an everlasting puzzle that keeps gaining new prices and each one makes every piece feel like they belong even more than the last. Unfortunately I read about the writers circle a day late but I thoroughly enjoyed this read!
This piece was so sumptuous and well written! I wrote my response to the prompt at the writers circle today:
Community for me feels like the roar of belly laughter that crescendos into back slaps pointed with squeals before escalating into the downbeat of silent chuckles that drag your body to the floor caught by the gaze of loving eyes. The feeling of being appreciated and bearing witness. Caught in the doe eyed image of nostalgia We share memories like marbles on the playground ~ selective and creative. Let me see what’s in your bag. Here look at mine. I got these when I was 9 out by the playground when I was visiting my cousins in the country. I find myself sharing myself in community and listening with my whole chest when others are on display. I’ve been leaning into the knowledge of people as portals and when my teacher told me we self-actualize in community my body lit up like a sparkler on new years day. I opened a new chapter that way. In healthy community we see ourselves through the lens of upliftment. We don’t enable or devalue we simply allow. Be who you are. We’re here for it.✨
I love this so much. Emphasis on the "healthy community." After writers circle, I reflected on the wounds that community had left and the way that it had smudged my lens. You all are helping me clear the fog and I can't express the gratitude and warmth I feel in my heart.
Community feels like a deep breath next to a wisdom tree. Community feels like the purist love. Community feels like feet in the dirt. Community feels like the earth. Community feels like hearts beating as one. Community feels like a deep dive in the ocean.
A week ago, I had a different interpretation of community. I had bruises from passed communities that had limited my perspective of community.
The black writers circle, black stack, Jacquie has been a huge part of helping me unlearn. So thank yall for taking time to read and engage and feel. It means a tremendous amount to me.
Community to me feels like a house turned into a home.
This is hitting home for me on so many levels. As the eldest daughter, we are utilized as a second parent, yet silenced at the same time. Yet also fearful of asking from others. We expect so little from others, when so much is expected of us.
Community to me is overflow. When we can’t pour from our own cups, community is the outpouring of love, ideas, empathy, and gifts from others.
Community feels like this right here, community feels like a safe hideaway from the hatred in my town and everyday world.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m glad that you feel this is a safe place 🙌🏾
Y’all are freaking talented gems and you’re challenging me to be better.
“A safe hideaway” this is something I’m going to keep with me because I feel it! This does feel like a safe space to hide from the world at times.
Thank you for reading and engaging in the conversations as always Maya!
I got your back ❤️🙏🏽
I am so happy to have found this. I feel like the voice of the eldest Black daughter gets quieted. I have been quieted as I have grown resentful and working through that grief of the pressure others put on me, also to just see everything I do. Hence being anonymous now until I can feel strong enough on my own to show myself as a new me attached to my work. I can’t wait for the workshop today! I appreciate all the work that has been done to get to this point to where newcomers like myself can easily feel welcomed.
In black-american culture first born females bare the burden to be silent and shrink our needs. When we are able to alchemize voicelessness to authentic expression we reclaim ourselves from who our circumstances groomed us to be.
I’m so excited that you’re coming to the Black Writers circle 🙌🏾
You are so right! The eldest Black daughter has been silenced since the first time speaking up. I believe the lifetime work for the eldest Black daughter is to find her voice and be confident using it. To find comfort in it. I pray you feel that comfort and confidence in yours.
Welcome in and I’m so grateful to hear that my efforts to make this community feel like home have translated for newcomers to adjust with ease. The platform is still news itself as November is month five in existence.
So excited to connect with you today please be sure to let me know you are on! Thanks so much for reading and engaging with the conversation!
I feel this. My sister is the eldest daughter and I watched how much was put on her while my mother battled with her at the same time. Like - how you gonna have her outcheah doing YOUR JOB and then not put some respect on your daughter's name when she tries to respectfully bring up an issue?
I considered my two eldest sisters to be my mothers moreso than my biological mom cuz they actually did the fucking job.
Free that throat chakra and speak your PEACE! 🤗
Community to me feels like a safe space where i don’t have to pretend to have it all together. A place where I can fall apart and still be reminded that I’m loved, and enough, and worthy.
a word
Community to me feels like a respite from your own sometimes frazzled energy. It can be so nurturing to be in a space and feel like you’re on the comfiest blankets. Add creativity, great food, laughter and there’s a sense that everything is alright with your world.
I love this interpretation. Community is a solace. A place where problems are forgotten and what feels good is elevated.
“Everything is alright with your world.”
Thank you for reading and sharing 🙌🏾
This. Community feels like this. I just found yall, but I already feel the safe space and this article really hit the mark.
The eldest black daughter always making room for others to shine. Being considerate of others to keep peace that I don’t even remember how to stand in the light. Growing resentful from internal pain that doesn’t feel safe with others.
And speaking of generational curse breakers “we are the example our bloodline will follow but it is not our job to make sure they drink the water or if they drink enough for the journey ahead. We can only lead them to the water and in the water they have a choice to look at their reflection to see their truth.” Whew! I needed that reminder😮💨. It’s so natural to get caught up in others, it’s easy to forget that you can only do so much.
I think letting go of the role is one of the hardest things that we have to do. As first born females, we fill a particular role that is portrayed as being both vital and unappreciated. For me, it is the fear of what would happen if I left then I realized that in my absence they would be able to see themselves more clearly and as would I.
Thank you for reading and engaging! 🙌🏾
I’m living for the metaphors combined with the straightforwardness. These Newsletters have been redefining Black Culture and exploring new ways to see our experience. To me Community feels expansive like the belly laughs you get from people who find a way into your heart.
Jacquie is a metaphor whiz, truly. Our goal is to take what we’ve been given and retrieve the lessons from our experiences. It’s an honor that you feel it’s part of redefining our culture.
Thank you for you kind words 🙏🏾
Thank you babes!
Community to me feels like reciprocity. All hands on deck. Sharing in the abundance and the deficits till the death of it. I was he youngest in my tribe growing up but Ancient in the scheme of life. I held everyone’s emotional well being on my empathic shoulders as I cooked them entertaining distractions and acts of service.
As we grew older I tried to feed them spirituality, knowledge and healing but my younger position had them mock me till they later thanked me.
Community taught me how to serve with a grateful heart and that acts of kindness and food preparation fed not just the belly but the soul in a way that money would never make them whole. To this day when I go by a friend or family’s house I will clean and cook for them a dish made out of love because I was trained properly to serve good vibes and sautée sincerity.
Tab!! With the reciprocity! Always dropping knowledge. Asé. Thank you for sharing your experience of being the youngest and what your community taught you.
“I was trained properly to serve good vibes and sautée sincerity.” Is a word!!
Lissssennnn while I didn't love the religious aspect of church, that family of peoples knew how to COMMUNITY for real. Had me cooking up men's/ladie's breakfast events, potlucks, BBQs, care packages, etc etc....We didn't consider it doing each other favours -- it was reciprocating FAVOR yuh zee it?
Y'all hit me up if you want me to add some jerk or curry to these Sunday dishes 🤣
Thanks for always supporting this community and the reciprocity you give! It’s not unnoticed or taken for granted!
Community to me feels like reciprocity!
This is the one right here! All hands on deck and you know that’s why we added generational curse breakers because I’m the only child so like you when I tried to feed them with spiritual knowledge they mocked me and now they are thanking me.
However my acts of service are much more sacred now. I show up only for the ones that demonstrate reciprocity. I loved this comment so much! I hate to miss you today but I’ll be personally emailing you this week for somethings.
Yessss I had to unlearn my people pleasing/hero complex and reserve my gifts for those who demonstrate respect and reciprocity. The way I used to be so drained from those who always came with a plate and never a ladle was madness. But it's a journey.
Meanwhile.....I had to make that money today but I had major FOMO cuz I wanted to paint and commiserate with y'all again. I hope the time was blessed.
Hit me up when ya like Big V. I gotchu
I love this
Thank you for taking time to read Sunday Dinner and I’m glad it resonated with you ✨
What’s your favorite dish on the menu?
I've never tried any of these dishes except for the cake. I'm not African-American, I'm west African with cousins in America. Sometimes I imagine all of us getting to sit down for dinner again. The atmosphere in the post reminded me a lot of when we would make Christmas dinner when they came back for the holidays. It's been a while.
I love that our work could bring back such pleasant memories. I hope ya'll have the opportunity to commune over food again.
What type of dishes are soul food to you?
Me too, it’s exciting to see how this series is turning out! Who would have thought writing could be so creative.
Thank you for reading and engaging Nmesoma!
This right here is everything for me! I most definitely found my community and a sense of belonging. I’ve been looking for a tribe over the past few years for the eldest daughters who became responsible for everything too quickly and even in some cases were abused and misused. I share the same sentiments here and look forward to writing out all my grief to heal the past.
Thank you for this platform. It truly is an answered prayer.
I love that our work provides you with a sense of belonging. I struggled for a long time feeling like I didn’t belong so to read I feel overwhelming joy 🖤There is nothing short of love put into this and I’m glad that you find solace in it. Thank you for journeying with us 🖤
Ase 🙏🏾✨❤️
THIS is the kind of engagement we were hoping for, the ones that understand this feeling of taking care of others yet still having to be the one to put yourself back together.
I am so grateful you are in community with us and I can’t wait to share space with you today! Thank you so much for reading and engaging!
Ase 🙏🏾✨❤️
Community feels like each fiber intertwined to make a blanket.
warm and working together in harmony
Community feels to me like an everlasting puzzle that keeps gaining new prices and each one makes every piece feel like they belong even more than the last. Unfortunately I read about the writers circle a day late but I thoroughly enjoyed this read!
exactly!
You should join us in December. We'll be hosting on the first.
I definitely will!
Community to me means acceptance...just as I am. Thank you for this beautiful feast y’all prepared. The writing is delicious.
Just as you are! I love the word play here!
This piece was so sumptuous and well written! I wrote my response to the prompt at the writers circle today:
Community for me feels like the roar of belly laughter that crescendos into back slaps pointed with squeals before escalating into the downbeat of silent chuckles that drag your body to the floor caught by the gaze of loving eyes. The feeling of being appreciated and bearing witness. Caught in the doe eyed image of nostalgia We share memories like marbles on the playground ~ selective and creative. Let me see what’s in your bag. Here look at mine. I got these when I was 9 out by the playground when I was visiting my cousins in the country. I find myself sharing myself in community and listening with my whole chest when others are on display. I’ve been leaning into the knowledge of people as portals and when my teacher told me we self-actualize in community my body lit up like a sparkler on new years day. I opened a new chapter that way. In healthy community we see ourselves through the lens of upliftment. We don’t enable or devalue we simply allow. Be who you are. We’re here for it.✨
I love this so much. Emphasis on the "healthy community." After writers circle, I reflected on the wounds that community had left and the way that it had smudged my lens. You all are helping me clear the fog and I can't express the gratitude and warmth I feel in my heart.
Thanks for reading Yanique!
💚💚💚